for the life of me, i cannot remember.

i won't be held responsible.
she fell in love in the first place.

It's a little hard to define how I feel right now. Now, I know, if you're reading this, you're probably like, "Enough of this deep shiznet! Can we have some fun blogging already!?" so I apologize in advance if this turns out to be a horrid mixture of the two.

There's a lot of sadness and happiness mixing together right now. Simultaneously, I'm worried and completely ecstatic about college, eager to begin, but...(and here's the part I never thought I'd say) a part of me still tugs to this place, and all the people. I've been so anxious to leave for so long, and now I have to wonder if I didn't miss out on something during all that time spent wishing.

I think it's frightening how often we just assume that everyone in our life that's important to us will be there forever. And I think that realization has caused me to go the extra mile for some people in my life, whether it's driving extra distances, buying them things, cleaning their stuff, or in essence, just showing them that I care. I think that this summer I overextended myself too much for one guy. I believe I have learned my lesson.

I think you know you have potential with someone when you find a person that's willing to go beyond the extra mile for you. Someone, who in return, will drive to see you, care about you, and like you for who you are in return.

It's with this solid aim that I set out on this first upcoming year. I've learned a lot about men this summer, and Euni put it so well: "You don't need a man to complete you. You need a man to complement you, with your two separate lives merging into one." (I think I edited that a bit, but I hope it's the same thought!)

I don't really know where I was headed with this.

Last night, I drove to Joplin, and Chris and I went out to dinner at Cheddar's. Our conversation was filled with funny woes and violent encounters, and he is just the best man. Watched part of Charlie Bartlett before I was interrupted by my ex and Todd (who stole my chair! Loser). I still feel kind of unsettled about Brian; I wouldn't give him the grandeur of the "first love" title or anything, but emotionally, he did impact me the most. So we talked for a little bit, and now I'm praying that I won't see any news about a murder in MO. All in all though, I'm glad this is ending right when I'm leaving. If anything else, leaving will give me the complete and total closure that I need. All those frat guys should be good for at least SOME distraction, right?

Spending the night with Euni always results in lack of sleep, but being with her is always fulfilling. After girl talk till (literally) 6:30 in the morning, I woke up enough to bother Brian with a quick call. And then...I went back to sleep. Until twelve. It was great. :) So with the intentions of causing great turmoil in Matt's life, I drove all the way out to Webb City to claim his gift of a Hallmark teddy bear to me. (He had broken my bracelet a couple weeks ago, and was desperate to make amends....or not.) So we chatted, and I cleaned, and he made me the greatest bowl of Ramen I've ever eaten in my life. Also, he rapped to me. While I was there, I found out some pretty interesting things Brian had said to him about me....most being of a very uncomplimentary nature, and most that I still don't know how to feel about. It kinda sucked, I'm not gonna lie, but that's what I love about kids- they're honest.

Anyways, word on the street is that I'm a crazy slut.

I decided to be more candid on this blog, more so than on any other. I figure I don't mind if my life is up for scrutiny (at least, not for right now), and the complete honesty refreshes me a bit.

I can't believe this is all coming to an end and I'm leaving tomorrow. Goodbye Vinita, and hello Norman. =]