the last two days [and then, today!]

day 1 (on the other side of the radio):

dhskljh has been my mood lately.

i feel good (rap) music, lord of the rings, and ben's soft carpety hair soothe me. i rather enjoy all three to a great extent, along with baby chihuahuas that like to pee on my porch and snuggle after aforesaid peeing session.

so every night i've been staying up till two and waking up around 10:30; immediately going to school afterwards to eat and go to class. speaking of cafeteria food, i'd just like to take a hearty stand and defend it--right now. i, myself personally, greatly enjoy almost everything they have to offer. true, they've got some weird stuff now and then, but that's just...that's just...variety is the spice of life, goshdanget! seriously. that's half the reason i go to school. for the food. you might think it's sad because i'm not even joking, but i'm just going to tell you that beggars can't be choosers.

i also like remixes of [most] songs. like mariah carey's song, her #18 number one hit, "touch my body"...?




okay, okay, i am fully joking about that.


baby pictures are really fun! send me yours!
any good music lately? please recommend. i've been in a pretty great classical mode lately (downloaded both becoming jane and pride and prejudice soundtracks, accompanied by some beethoven and bach), but i'm returning to the world of wordy music. just passing the word on, but MIA has a kickarse song called paper planes out- if you want the real good stuff though, go for the DFA remix (ah, there we are, back to remixes again:).

i splurged for myself today and bought a cosmo. i know, i know, mass consumerism and whatnot, but i really just couldn't resist. *winces*

i want to go back to texas again. i don't exactly know why i like it so much, but san antonio sounds pretty ideal about now. i am so ready for school life to be done. i'm still really excited to see where i end up going, because i haven't heard crap from stanford yet! eek.

life is all right. i'm working on my relationship with God right now, and it's not the best, but i'm praying He'll inject that passion i had for Him into my life again. i'd really appreciate the prayers of anyone who reads this! He's so amazing.

you should talk to me about Him sometime!

day 2 (sometimes i bring him juice. my boyfriend is 12.):

i have to say that my heart sinks a bit lower every time i read my OU admissions stuff. it's not like that would be a horrible place to go, or even like the last place on earth i'd like to be-- but there's that stupid part of me that's still holding out for stanford. *sigh* i mean, i am fully expecting my rejection letter any day now, but OU is just so....so.... in-state. blah.

and yeah. i totally think it would be scary to move out to california with just me and all my stuff, but i guess i can't help but long for it, regardless. i can't believe it's almost all over. and soon, i'll be surviving on ramen noodles and water. haah. sometimes i think i want it so bad that i lose sight of what God wants me to do. and hey, if He thinks i'll be good-- no, better, great-- at OU, i guess i'm not going to argue. (well, maybe a little.) but sometimes i'm not sure i hear where God's voice is guiding me anymore.

sometimes i'm not so sure i want to hear it, for fear that it might be something i don't wanna hear (EVEN if it is the best for me- i guess that's where trust issues spring into play again).

i don't think i'd like to see how the next 5-10 years of my life are going to pan out, but it would be reassuring to know that there is a remarkable future planned for me. what am i talking about, i KNOW there is- (God guaranteed that) well, i guess a part of me wouldn't mind finding out after all- but that's contested by a larger part of me that wants to be surprised.

i need to be constantly reassured about God's love these days. i don't know why, maybe it's because for once my future isn't all set out, but it's really nice when people come out to me and say, "hey. you're a great girl, and you're going to carve out a magnificent future for yourself. leave this town and make something big of your life!" it's nice to know that even in little ways, God is looking out for me, encouraging me on the way.

i long for california. i long for the ocean, the beach, the college. but sometimes what i long for isn't what's best for me. it's so hard for me to accept that sometimes. especially now, when life is really just beginning. man Lord, i'm really trying to get to know You again, but it's kinda tough right now, you know? to be honest? i'm kinda scared.

scared that maybe i'll really mess something up; maybe a friendship, my relationship with You, or my life in general. i want to find You and seek You every day, and share You with people who don't know You. i want to buy people's coffee and talk about You. but sometimes i'm not sure where to start.

hahah, i'm not sure when this post started turning into a prayer, but if you're reading, well, thanks for reading. =] i think there are things that all of us struggle with every day, but sometimes you just gotta make yourself trust in the one real thing. i think you guys know Who i'm talking about.

prayer request: stanford and everything concerning it, college financial aid, prom. hahah.

p.s. the office marathon tonight was AAHH! leatherheads comes out tomorrrrow. and i love john krasinski. a lot.

day 3 (today was icing!):

good day. reeally good day. mostly all thanks to two guys.
-i started this blog
-last night, i spent an hour with my Daddy =]
-"i brought you pudding, but i eated it all up."
-my chihuahua found a good home. a little sad, well, a LOT sad, but i bet he'll be happy
-i carried around a small dog in walmart and didn't get yelled at
-zoolander and pitchas wiff my bestie =]]
-tomorrow i get to spend time with my dad
-and yeah! do people actually read these..?