and i'm so finished with that concept of "love."

So for once in my life, I figure it’s going to work out. We’d been through such a roller coaster in the last month, and yet, still survived. We’d battled through so many fights, tears, and scares that I ignorantly figured we were golden. It’s just funny how things always have a way of just crashing down on you.

For once you’re willing to work things out. For once you figure, hey, I won’t give up on him, because I think he’s worth that much. For the first time in your life, you actually have hope in a relationship that seems doomed from the start. You’re willing to change, you’re willing to give it all up, to sacrifice so much, and then his words come like a slap in the face. A slap back into reality.

For once I cared enough to cry. And I was just, so prepared to lay it all out on the line, and it’s just horribly ironic that for the first time in my entire life that I’m ready to do this? He’s not. It would figure, and I should know it by now, that my rotten streak with men is just bound to continue. Something, anything, everything is just not going to work out. Why I just don’t instinctively know this, why I keep hoping, is just something I’ll never understand.

Until now. Now I know. Now I won’t hope. Now life will just be one fantastic playground with lots of nice male playthings. “I always tell the girls to never take it seriously, if you never take it seriously, you never get hurt, and if you never get hurt, you always have fun.” I’ve been burned far too many times to take anything seriously ever again. Life isn’t ruined for me. Because it just got a whole lot better.

I’ll be blithe and fun and utterly flirtatious. I’ll mend hearts and break hearts, and fix and destroy. I’ll be dangerous and smart and sexy, and I’ll make you wish you never missed out on me. I’ll let you have one chance, and one chance only. I’ll not let my heart get away from me again, so you can try, but you definitely won’t succeed. I will never take it seriously, I will never get hurt, I will always have fun.

Get ready world. I’m ready to take you on.